Of Black Swans

Disclaimer:
So this, just to give you some sort of idea, is the story of what happened after Swan Lake. Its a random idea, I know, but thats what it developed into. It follows the black swan and what you really don't know about her.It may end up being incredibly lame, and Mikeh will hate the picture so much. So, yeah. I apologize for both. Mikeh, try to stand it, okay? :P



Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Breathe,Taylor Swift

I have always loved you...

My feet are flying under me. I cannot stop myself. I'm running from everything. From him. From them. From father. From me. Its taking all of me not to run out of my limits. My breath is heavy, and sweat is forming on my brow. My dark dress catches on one of the passing trees. I don't care. I allow it to tear.

Tearing like my heart. Tearing like my soul.

The memories are there, threatening to swallow me whole and never spit me out. I can't get his deadly smile out of my head and I can't forget the way he looked at me when he thought of I was her.

None of it matters any more.

Nothing means anything any more. I have nothing to go back to. No safe place to run. Home is out of the question. That place stopped being home a long time ago. Ever since father became obsessed with getting his way. Well...

The slits on my wrists are proof of the damage you've done.

I prompt myself to look, just for a moment at my forearm. The scars are nothing new and yet they still make me wince every time. They are memories of the past and every time, I can't help but think of it.

You can't save me.

My heart is beating; I feel as though I'm being followed. But father always had that sort of presence didn't he?

You've lost me.

I can't help but remember all the times when he yelled or beat me, just because I wasn't her. He hated me, he used me. He couldn't stand the sight of me.

"You look just like your mother."

The pain of the transformation was unbearable, at best. It was like all my childhood had gone away. All my hopes, my dreams, my happiness had just drifted away. Leaving me to be nothing more than an empty corpse.

"Will I be pretty daddy?"
"Pretty as the night."

Pretty as the night, ha. What a lie. I wasn't beautiful, and as far as I was concerned, I never would be. I was Odile, the horror-filled tragedy, the fairy-tale for children. I could imagine my story being told to the little ones before bed. And the parents would say. "Now, now, loves...We mustn't be like this, must we?" I would fade away, becoming nothing more than a tool to frighten children into submission.

Feathers as black as a cloudy sky.

Oh, no. He's coming back now. I had always loved him. From the first day I saw him, I did. His smile made my heart waver. His face was a face of the angels. I would watch him sometimes, from my dark tower. He would be there, in the courtyard of his castle practicing archery or swordsmanship. And he would laugh. That laugh...

If you would've asked, I would have ripped the heart out of my chest for you.

The way he smiled at me, during the ball. It was breathtaking, the way I always dreamed. He held me close and whispered things, the only problem was that he called me "Odette." I was reminded, as always, that he couldn't accept me for who I was. He loved me for her.

I can't be who you think I am. I cannot wear this mask.

Her...Odette, my twin. She was perfect in every way, wasn't she? She had the perfect hair, the perfect smile, the perfect everything. She was just right for him, for everyone. She just did everything perfect. While I, however, did not. I was the broken girl with two left feet, who seemed just to do everything wrong, all the time.

This is me. Can't you see that?

I reach the lake. Swan lake. How ironic. The place where it all began. Not too far, I can see the windows of the castle all lit up and can hear the happy music that its guests are celebrating to.

What a beautiful wedding...

But, its time. I cannot hold on any longer. I want him to be happy, even if its with her. They'd all be better off without a lonely, problematic girl to worry about.

Oh how inviting the black waters of death...

Without another thought, I plunge in, letting the cold water envelop me. I close my eyes, and drift into the darkness.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Fin.

So, what you think? That was my lame attempt at trying to describe some of the things I've been feeling as of late, but it sort of just drifted off into its own thing. Still, it twas a good venting tool.

Well, theres more to say, because there always is. But, that's enough for now, I think. I'll post later, in a couple days, with some thoughts and such.

Josh
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, J,R.R. Tolkien