"I love him...but only on my own."

Let's get this straight. I've never seen or read Les Miserables and I've been wanting to. But, last night, I stumbled upon a video and feel completely in love with Eponine, a character who I feel for greatly.

Her tale is one of unrequited love, which I understand well, very well, actually. She is described as being not very attractive and she becomes very poor. She's placed in the middle of the man she loves, Marius who is fairly well off and in love with her adopted sister, and her adopted sister, Colette, who holds feelings for Marius.

Confused yet? :P

Anyways, she joins him to wait for her in the gardens and longs for him, while he longs for College. So, one night he gives her a letter to give to Colette. But she doesn't give it, for whatever reason.

In the end, she ends up taking a bullet for him and giving him the letter back, to give to Colette. She professes that she has always loved him, and that she is at peace now, knowing that she will no longer be in the way of their love and he grants her forgiveness.

So, I'm a little unclear on it all, but it really is a beautiful story that I think everyone can relate to. I guess its good for me, at this time in my life, just because I'm dealing with some unrequited love myself. But, that does sound oh-so cliche, doesn't it?

But, anyways, it really gets me thinking. Why do we want something we can't have? Something that may be potentially dangerous to us? I think, for me, I feel like I deserve some pain. Perhaps that's a form of self-mutilation...I'm not sure. Anyways. And, besides that, it feels nice to be in love, you know?

And love, has struck me as of late, as just being so unexpected. It pulls you in and suddenly, you're sinking in it and then its above your head and you're drowning and you may not even know why you all the sudden love this person. It's just so unexpected.

Sometimes, I think, its all about getting caught up in the dream. I've been seeing that a lot these days. Think of the hundreds, no, thousands of American Idol contestants that got caught up in the dream of fame, fortune and glamour only to have it crash down at their feet.

Or Nessarose from Wicked, who gets so caught up in her dream of being loved, and being beautiful and accepted and loved, that she starts taking away all the Munchkins rights, just so that she can keep the man she loves, a Munchkin who deceived her to please Glinda, who he loves, with her. And then, there is a moment when she stares herself in the mirror and asks herself what she's done and why she's done it.

The dream has caught us all, hasn't it? In its web of false hope and most of us are doomed. But, perhaps, there is hope for us all. I don't know the answer. And I don't know much of why we fall in love with who we do. I guess there are some signs. And yet, love, like real love...can be tragic. And that's beautiful, even though its tragic.

But, love is wonderful, in all its forms. It may hurt some times, but, most of the time, its worth it.

On my own- Eponine's main solo (from which the title of this blog is taken): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuS1cCnG8xc

Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung with an accompanying fan video of Eponine (Not full song. Sorry...:[ And PLEASE ignore the creepy intro. The actual vid is spectacular.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YDnapsKVOo&feature=channel_page