I know, its been forever. Life has just been...crazy. Good and bad, a whirlwind. I really can't keep up. It's all I can do to hold on. I sort of feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado. Everything is a blur.

I keep looking back, you know? I remember those days when I could actually really feel something. My gosh, those days were glorious. Before the depression and the confusion and the fear and everything. Life was simple.

But, I took it for granted.

I mean, even a few years ago, I can remember how it felt to just let go. I was free. I could feel things. A song could make my heart soar. Every day was a new day, a new possiblity. The days were glorious.

My gosh. I can remember summer. I have so many good memories of summer. Playing tag in the twilight, and having my friend spend the night almost every night. And leaving the window open. And taking walks under skies that were completely clear. Heck, I'll be honest, back then, chick flicks made me happy to be alive.

That ever happen to you? I mean, just pick up some random, disney chick flick. Or, really, any chick flick. And, their worst problem is either an overprotective parent or some guy doesn't know they exsist, even though they adore his every move. But, they survived, you know? They had fun doing it. They looked great. They laughed. Maybe cried. They got the guy. They made peace with their parent. They lived and didn't regret.

At the same time, where is the tough stuff? I mean, it never changed anyones life to watch a chick flick. Or, well, depends on the chick flick. But still.

I dunno. I just was happy then. Maybe not truly happy, because I don't really think I was speaking with God, or trying hard to connect with him (not that its any easier now). But, still. I'd give a whole heck of a lot to have them back.

Well, thats all for now. Dunno when I'll be back. But, hopefully soon.

Josh