So, I have returned.
My gosh, was that one heck of a journey. Fall Weekend was an experience, thats for sure. All my worries were relieved and I was left to the cold weather and searching my heart. It was really, really great. I'm not sure if God really spoke to me much, but I figure that it's something I'll learn over time.
The last night, Saturday, we had a time of prayer for those who needed it. My friend Kayla pulled me aside and started to pray with me and talk through some things with me. Before I knew it, I was sobbing. My hands were uber tingly and I really had no idea what was going on. I felt hands on me, and I just let some of my feelings of hopelessness and fear out. I was sobbing hard soon, just letting out deep pain and scars that I had been holding in for so many years. It felt good.
Julie, a best friend of mine for some time, just held me and told me so many things. Before I knew it, it hit me. I was crying and laughing, saying: "He loves me! He loves me!"
Don't we take the fact for granted sometimes? I mean, honestly, we should be so passionate about the fact that HE loves us! Thats such a beautiful, wonderful thing.
A few words slipped out of my mouth and they went something like this: "If this is what being broken feels like, then I don't ever want to be fixed. I've been trying so hard to fill my life with other things. And the fact is, I need him; And thats a beautiful thing."
It was a great night. I had so many friends around me, people that I will never forget. They were there, and I'm so thankful.
This weekend was really only the beginning, just the tip of the iceberg, really, in a much, much bigger journey. I know God meant for me to be on this trip, to see certain things that he revealed to me.
So, thank you for your prayers. They were much needed. Really, the worst part was how freezing cold it was!
But, overall (there was so much great stuff!) it was a wonderful weekend.
Well, I'm off for now. More later, of course.
Josh
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
- Chris Tomlin
About Me
- Josh
- Any method is right, Every method is right that expresses what we wish to express, if we are writers. - Virginia Woolf
2 comments:
This post is beautiful :) We really should be more ecstatic about the fact that He loves us!!
Glad you had an awesome time! :) love you!
I agree with Mikey; this post is beautiful, as is your heart. I am so glad you had a great retreat and especially that God loved on you like that. I prayed for you as I prayed for my own boys. Do you know the song "Sweetly Broken"? I think you would like it; it is along the same lines as your thoughts on brokenness. I will send it to you on facebook.
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